“Has anyone seen Jenna?”
The digital clock in the conference room read 9:13 AM. Except for at the head of the table, below the projector screen, all the chairs were full. Some were hunched over their laptops, pecking away at work that still needed to be done. Others lounged back in their chairs, sipping at takeout cups.
“It’s almost 9:15,” said Donna (Account Coordinator), playing with the teabag tag dangling out from the plastic lid. “It’s not like her to be late for the morning check-in. And she wasn’t here yesterday.”
“Maybe she’s calling in?” asked Alicia (Account Coordinator). “Mike, is the conference line set up?”
Mike (IT) looked up from his laptop. “The what?”
“The conference line. For Jenna to call in on.”
“Why would she need the conference line? She can just call in directly to the room.”
“Well, is she calling into the room?”
Mike shrugged, looking back at his laptop. “Didn’t say anything to me about it.”
“Maybe she just forgot? Is she in her office?”
“Somebody go check,” said Ken (Senior Account Coordinator), swinging his chair out of recline. “I nominate the intern.”
Kyle (Intern) was at the corner of the table, holding a reuseable mug from the office kitchen. Hearing his name, he snapped his head towards Ken. “I didn’t see her in her office when I came in,” he said.
“Me neither,” replied Ken. “But maybe she came in after us. Go ask if she’s coming to the check-in.”
Kyle (Intern) nodded and stood up. He drained his coffee – breath held, eyes squeezed shut – and hurried out of the room.
“Somebody should start the meeting, though,” said Donna. “Otherwise we’re not gonna have time to get through everybody.”
Everybody looked at Ken. “Do you wanna take the wheel, Donna?” he asked innocently.
“You are the most senior, Ken…”
Ken sighed. “All right. Well let’s get started, then. Donna, what are your roses, thorns, and buds this week?”
Donna sat forward in her chair. “Well, this week was a really productive one for me, so I’m all roses!” She smiled brightly. There was a silence before she continued. “So first of all…”
Kyle reappeared at the door. “Jenna’s not at her desk. And, um…”
Ken turned. “Sorry Donna, hold on a sec. What is it?”
“Well, nobody else is at their desk either.” Kyle hesitated. “Is this a prank?”
“What?”
“It’s just, we do a lot of pranks at my fraternity, and I didn’t think that you guys did that kind of thing but…”
“Kyle. Frats aren’t real.”
Kyle frowned in confusion. “Frats aren’t…?”
Ken shook his head exasperatedly. “I mean this is the real world, Kyle. Nobody’s pranking anybody. What are you talking about?”
“None of the managers are in their offices. There’s nobody upstairs.”
Ken frowned. “Maybe they’re in the break room?” Kyle shrugged. “Okay, I’ll go check with you. Donna, can you keep things going until I get back? Thanks.”
Before Donna could respond Ken was gone. “Sorry for snapping at you,” he said to Kyle, patting him awkwardly on the shoulder.
“You’re, um, actually supposed to call it a fraternity,” Kyle volunteered. “Not a frat.”
“Is that so?” said Ken evenly.
*
It was 3:00 PM. A Professional Development session had been scheduled in the break room, which was on the second floor facing the management offices. The team eyed the empty offices suspiciously as they trickled into the room.
Indira (Human Resources Associate, (Junior)) had set up the projector and was handing out worksheets to everyone as they came in. A fresh pot of coffee sat on the kitchen counter, untouched.
“Okay everyone,” she said as the last person sat down. “Megan was supposed to run this session today, but I have all her materials so I’m going to take over…”
Yuki (Contractor) put up her hand. “Sorry, excuse me. Where is Megan? Actually, where is everyone? I’m supposed to be onboarded to a new project today and I can’t find anybody in management to tell me what it is.”
Indira looked helplessly at Ken, who shrugged. “We, uh…don’t really know,” she stammered. “I’ve been trying to get hold of everyone all day but nobody’s picking up.”
“So you’re telling me all the senior management just…disappeared?”
“Maybe it’s a prank…” came a tentative whisper, which everybody ignored.
Indira chuckled nervously. “That’s a little dramatic. I’m sure they’ll be back soon. In the meantime we should keep trying to meet our deadlines so that everything’s on track when they get back.”
“Okay,” said Alicia. “So, uh, do we need this PD session then?”
There was a brief silence. “Well, Megan scheduled it last month…” Indira started to reply.
“Yes, I know, but I have an end-of-day submission for a deliverable and it’d be nice to have an extra hour for it. Do we really need to be here?”
“I think Frank wanted all employees to go through this…”
Alicia held up the handout and ran her eyes down the page, then flipped it over and looked at the other side. “Okay. Is the presentation going to cover stuff that isn’t on here?”
“Well, no, but you’ll retain it better if you go through the exercises…”
Yuki raised her hand again. “Sorry, excuse me. I’m a contractor, so this isn’t relevant to me. And since I don’t know what project I’m on I’m not sure what I’m supposed to be doing today.”
“Got an Animal Crossing account?” asked Mike, from the back of the room.
There was a pause. “Mike,” asked Ken. “What have you been working on today?”
Mike shrugged. “Nothing really. I had one project that I submitted this morning. And since Jenna isn’t here to give me direction, I’ve just been hanging out.”
“You didn’t ask anyone if they needed help?” asked Donna, turning in her chair.
“Most of the time you guys come to me.”
“Okay, I’m going,” said Alicia, standing up.
“Okay, hang on,” said Indira, waving everyone down with her arms as Alicia disappeared out the door. “Who here has nothing to work on right now?”
Mike, Yuki, Kyle, and Ken raised their hands. Indira blinked. “And there’s nothing else you guys can work on? No side projects?”
“Frank explicitly told me that I can’t launch any upgrades without his sign-off or Jenna’s,” said Mike.
“Jenna’s the sole contact with our developer,” said Ken.
“I’m supposed to be onboarded to a new project today,” said Yuki.
“Nobody’s told me to do anything yet,” said Kyle.
Indira thought about this for a second. “Well, maybe Kyle and Yuki could help Alicia…”
“Why does Alicia get so many extra resources?” Donna demanded.
Indira gestured helplessly towards the door Alicia had left through. “Well, she clearly has the most urgent work…”
“Just because we made the time to be here doesn’t mean our work isn’t important,” said Donna snippily. “You can’t just give everyone to Alicia because she’s the most dramatic.”
“Well, okay, maybe you and Alicia could sort something out…?”
“Well, she’s not here right now.”
“…okay, well, maybe you could go down to her desk?”
“Right now? What about the PD session?”
Indira stopped short, her mouth opening and closing as she tried unsuccessfully to articulate her next words. For a moment the only sound in the room was Mike’s mouse clicking.
Finally, Ken stood up. “Okay. I’ve got a suggestion.”
Indira almost visibly collapsed in relief.
“I’m going to take Kyle and Yuki…” Ken glanced down at Mike’s screen. “And I’m going to take Mike away from his Minecraft game, and we’re going to go down to the store and look for some actually drinkable coffee.”
“But what about when you get back?” Indira asked helplessly as the group filed out the door.
Ken leaned back through the door. “I’ll give you the receipt.”
“Okay, but…” And Ken was gone.
*
The sports bar down the block from the office was surprisingly busy for 3:30 PM on a Monday.
“I thought we were going to go look for coffee?” asked Kyle as the group slid into a booth in the back.
“Turns out it’s surprisingly hard to find,” said Ken, shrugging.
They got a round of drinks and settled in.
“Aren’t we going to get in trouble?”
“Only if somebody finds out,” Ken replied. “Look, we’ll hang out here for an hour or so, get back around 5, then everybody goes home. We’ll be good.”
“Y’know, I figured a frat boy would be more gung-ho about going out for a beer,” Mike observed.
“Apparently you’re supposed to call it a fraternity,” said Ken.
“Why?”
They all looked at Kyle. “Well, would you call your country…?” he started, then paused. “Um, I mean, it’s just the right way to say it.”
“Cool.” Ken turned to Yuki. “You’re okay with this, right?”
Yuki shrugged. “I mean, I’m still confused. But I get paid for a contract that starts today, so what the heck, right?”
“So what happens if they don’t come back?” Kyle asked.
Ken took a long, thoughtful pull on his beer. “There’s a good question. Wanna tackle it Socratically?”
“No,” muttered Mike.
“Shut up, Mike. So if management stops working, can we keep working?”
“If things keep going like they did today, eventually everything’s gonna grind to a halt,” Yuki observed.
“Correct-a-mundo. And if we stop working, can the company keep producing?”
“Nope.”
“And so…” Ken leaned forward, gesturing with his beer. “If the company stops producing, what happens?”
“We lose our jobs,” shrugged Mike.
“No. Well, yes, but there’s nobody around to fire us. But that’s a different point. I’m asking, what happens to society at large if the company stops producing?”
“‘Losing our jobs’ is a pretty big point…”
“Mike, if you don’t get on board I’m gonna make you take a shot.”
“Probably not much,” Yuki observed. “It’d be a minor inconvenience to the clients, but it’s not like there’d be food shortages or anything.”
“Exactly!” Ken pointed at Yuki. “We don’t produce anything important. We make things that help other people get rich. And so…” he raised his glass. “Here’s to…well, here’s to nothing at all, I guess.”
The glasses clinked as the group cheered reluctantly.
Harmon Moon 